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Grindr, Scruff and Other App Hook Ups
One of the more charming elements of gay male culture is our tradition of assigning ourselves certain 'tribe' labels based on body type and sexual. Like nearly every other sector in our modern world, technology has changed how dating and hookups work in our society. There are dozens of dating apps out there, but not all of them are created. Best gay dating apps: if you’re gay, single and ready to mingle then there’s never been a better time to go on the hunt. Apr 02, 2020 The Grindr app is a special dating app for gay, bi and trans. It is a difficult task to identify straight singles in this portfolio. Like Rita, there are many users has become a member without knowing the profiles at its database. Part 1: Why Grindr is not for straight singles? Part 2: 7 Grindr-like apps or services worth trying.
In recent weeks and months, it seems like we have been hearing more and more incidents where something bad has happened to gay men as a result of hooking up online.
Not too long ago, I saw a a news item about a Philadelphia tourist who was physically and sexually assaulted at gunpoint and robbed. An elderly Michigan man was murdered by a trio of thugs as a result of a Grindr hookup gone terribly wrong.
I am personally aware of two cases where people have been the victims of violent crime (and in one case, extortion) as a result of trying to hook up.
Looking around the Internet, there seems to be very little information “out there” that offers guidance to gay men on basic, essential safety precautions for making a sexual connection. And so what follows is a list of 10 tips that I hope you will find useful in keeping you safe.
Before continuing, I know there will be some who will suggest that the best way to prevent a bad hook-up is to avoid hooking up at all.
My response to this is simple – people are still going to hook up! Better to offer some practical, realistic suggestions as opposed to the Nancy Reagan approach (just say no) advice.
At its core, we are talking about risk reduction here. And the tips being offered in what follows could very well apply to straight individuals. Crime is an equal opportunity destroyer folks.
Let’s move on to the 10 online hookup safety tips. Please keep in mind this list is by no means exhaustive. Also, remember these tips are not foolproof. Again, we are talking harm reduction here.
1. Get a trick phone
A “trick” phone is a pre-paid phone that is used only for online hook ups. You can get a fairly inexpensive cell phone at most drugstores. You can also buy them online at Amazon for less than $10.00.
With these phones, you simply charge them up with minutes using PayPal, a Debit/Credit card or direct draft from your bank. These phones will allow you to download your favorite hookup aps and will make real calls.
You can also send and receive txt and SMS type information (aka pics). The reason you should consider using a trick phone will become clear in the next few tips.
What Other Hook Up Apps Are There Like Grindr Video
2. Never Give Out Your Real Cell Phone Number
At least for the initial meeting, it is strongly encouraged that you meet at a public place. Examples include a café, a bar or even a supermarket. Do not invite the person to your home and do not give out your home address.
Remember, the moment you give a stranger specifics about where you live, they now have identifying information that can potentially be used to bully, harass and threaten you. No matter how hot he is or how horny you are, please do not give this information out for your own sake.
On the other side of the coin, think very carefully about meeting at his place. Remember that if you meet in a public place, you have far greater control over the situation. Once you are in his home, you lose much of that power.
3. Use a Fake Name
When you start talking with someone online, be it on the computer or a phone app, you should think very carefully about what you provide. I am suggesting this because you have no idea who you are talking to on the other end of that electronic device.
If a person has your real name, they have something personal about you that can later be used in a way that con artists and other criminals know how to use. If you do not want to use a fake name, just give out your first name and nothing else.
The other reason you may want to use a fake name is simply this – if the hook up goes south while you are there, you don’t want the creep to find you again. Don’t give him your real name until you are absolutely sure you feel safe.
4. No X Pics With Face
If you send a stranger an X picture that includes your face, you have just given that person the ability to potentially extort from you. Do a quick search of the Internet and see how many times this has happened to people. If you must send out pictures of yourself and want to include your face, consider upper torso shots only. In other words, do not send anything you would not want your boss, your grandmother or your co-workers to see.
I recognize here that people are likely saying to themselves. “How do I know the person is real?” My simple answer to you is this – you don’t!
That is the problem folks, you have no idea who you are dealing with on the other end of that computer or phone. They can send you a dozen photos of themselves but that does not mean that is who they say they are and that does not mean the pictures you are seeing are of them. Why would you give a stranger something explosive to use against you?
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5. Meet Somewhere Public
At least for the initial meeting, it is strongly encouraged that you meet at a public place. Examples include a café, a bar or even a supermarket. Do not invite the person to your home and do not give out your home address.
Remember, the moment you give a stranger specifics about where you live, they now have identifying information that can potentially be used to bully, harass and threaten you. No matter how hot he is or how horny you are, please do not give this information out for your own sake.
On the other side of the coin, think very carefully about meeting at his place. Remember that if you meet in a public place, you have far greater control over the situation. Once you are in his home, you lose much of that power.
6. Use a Buddy System
A buddy system is a 25 cent term for letting a close friend know trust that you are going out on a hook up. Tell your buddy the time, place and location of your destination and make sure you check in with them.
Consider creating a code-word that you can use with your buddy that you can quickly say or text to let them know you are in trouble. Also, after the hook up, make sure you contact your buddy and let them know you are on your way home, regardless of how the hook up went.
One other tip that some people suggest is to text your buddy a photo of the person you are going to be hooking up with. For what it is worth, there will at least be an image that can be used by police if something bad happens (even if the image is fake, it has likely been used before by the person).
7. Skip App Hookups When Drinking
This is an obvious one but needs to be listed. If you are drinking out at a bar, do not jump on one of your phone apps looking for a hook up.
Your judgment is likely going to be impaired and if you are drunk or even a little tipsy, you are a major target for the freaks, psychos and criminals who are looking for their next victim. How good is that hook up going to be anyway when you are drunk?
Think about it.
8. Pay Attention to His Intent
When you are texting with your potential hook up, be aware of his intent. Is he asking you if you party? That is a warning sign he may be looking for drugs. Is he saying he only sleeps on the bottom bunk – ask yourself: why?
Has he been using something that prevents him from doing anything else? He is looking to dominate? If so, is this something you really want to do with a total stranger?
9. Talk to the Person on the Phone
One way to screen for problems is to take the time to talk to the person on the phone. This means old fashioned voice communication.
When you are speaking with them, do they sound high, drunk or “off”? If so, simply tell them it is not a good match and politely end the call.
Now you know why I suggested using a trick phone. Last point here – if they refuse to talk on the phone, consider this a major warning sign of trouble and discontinue communication!
10. Listen to Your Gut
This is perhaps the most important tip of all. If you feel something just seems weird or are concerned in anyway about your personal safety, call off the hook up.
You are not obligated to follow through. This point is very simple – listen carefully to your inner voice.
Final Thoughts
As mentioned earlier, the 10 online hook up safety tips offered here are not exhaustive. My hope is to spark conversation and awareness around this issue with the hope of promoting personal safety.
Speaking of personal safety, if you are ever in a situation where you are being attacked, please consider reading my personal self-defense tips.
© 2014 CB Jones
Dating Apps Like Grindr
Jaden frage on December 30, 2019:
Can i get your number plz plz plz,
Steve on February 25, 2019:
Where can I find those personal self-defense tips that you mentioned earlier?
Thanks in advance!
Coronados on December 19, 2018:
Huge thanks for the great tips. I know that's hard to meet nice guys who are looking for a relationship.... So now that's not a problem for me. I met a lot of cute guys and my current BF online. If you're curious just go to http://www.letsdatesome.net/v/gdating/ . There are many guys who is interested in a committed relationship or ...a pick up or one night stand.
Michael on October 21, 2018:
Being high is a bad thing? Huh.
Faisal on December 10, 2017:
@Charles
The world doesn’t revolve arkund you; sorry. I don’t have Snapchat (I deleted it), or Facebook (which I deleted too). I have an Instagram, but I’m “recycling” it to make it more a canvas for me than a social venue, which means that I’m removing my pics from there as well. Also, none of my photos shows up on reverse search. I have tried it. Are my photos real? I don’t know, but I think the fact that I have different photos of myself (in multiple angles) proves they are.
Point is, people are cautious (especially since we are a very targeted minority), and that won’t change to accommodate you
Stepj on November 12, 2017:
Stephen
Casey on February 23, 2017:
Married Hook Up Apps
You can leave out a lot of info and enjoy yourself. Great advice!
Charles on February 17, 2017:
Personally I disagree with using a fake name and not giving out your real phone number. I reverse image search every single picture a guy sends me. If nothing pops up I ask if they have a snapchat or a phone number. If they have a phone number I use it to check them out on facebook.
Basically if any of your pictures aren't yours (Ill know from reverse image searching), if you claim you don't have snapchat (unlikely), if your facebook search comes back with a different name than you told me, and you refuse to give out your phone number you are automatically blocked.
I expect to know exactly who I am dealing with and have a way of confirming that (unless you want to meet in person first, which can be a nuisance for random hookups).
Asim on February 17, 2017:
excellent.
i alread follow them.
Matthew on September 22, 2016:
Number 2 and number 5 are the same tip.
One of the more charming elements of gay male culture is our tradition of assigning ourselves certain “tribe” labels based on body type and sexual proclivities. I’m talking about groupings like pups, otters, silver foxes, and bears. (Google if you’re curious!) Jokingly, I once told a friend that I was a wolf, since I had always been drawn to the friendly/sexy energy of the bear scene but didn’t see myself as one physically—polar, muscled, or otherwise. I didn’t feel like a cub, otter, chub, or chaser either. Truth was, I knew I could pass for at least one of these common categories, but I was reluctant to conform. I made the wolf thing up instead, because they’re hairy too, and I just liked the animal. As it turned out, it took traveling all the way to Tokyo to find out that in my wolf identity, I was not alone.
According to 9MONSTERS, a gay hook-up app popular mainly in South East Asia, I was definitely a wolf—specifically a Muscle Wolf Level 11, by the time I left Japan after about a two month stay. I first heard about 9MONSTERS from a guy I met in Tokyo’s gay district, Shinjuku Ni-Chome. He described it as a game, though his explanation was convoluted. Maybe I’d had too many drinks, but I didn’t get it; eventually, he told me to just give the app a try.
I downloaded 9MONSTERS the next day, joining approximately 150,000 active users in Japan and 300,000 worldwide. Initially, I found it similar to other gay hook-up and socializing apps like Grindr and Scruff. You start by setting up a profile using pics and physical stats, but the difference is that you’re also assigned an egg. In that way, it reminded me of the ‘90s handheld virtual pet, Tamagotchi. With Tamagotchi you began with an egg but only needed to wait five minutes for it to hatch into one of the pets. 10 minutes into 9MONSTERS, I was still an egg.
The backbone of the app is its “breeding” function. You need to breed with other users and they breed with you, but in this instance, breeding has a different meaning from the one often used regarding bareback (condomless) gay anal sex. Here, breeding is about showing interest in someone and vice versa, sort of like a “woof” in Scruff. As the name suggests, there are nine monsters you can hatch into, and the type that you become depends on which monsters breed you. You aren’t what you eat in this instance, but what eats you, so to speak. If you’re bred mostly by one type of monster, then you become that monster.
To make things slightly more complicated, you also have a “Breeder” type, which indicates the type of monsters you breed most often. This can be different from the type of monster that you are. For instance, after I bred some dudes, my breeder type became Wild Bear, indicating a certain preference on my part. But eventually, after being bred for a while, I hatched into a Muscle Wolf.
Given that I had already expressed lupine tendencies, this result shouldn’t have surprised me. However, “wolf” for me had always been more of an anti-label. Using a bear-focused hook-up app like Growlr, you find all the usual types like polar bear, super chub, and silver daddy, but there’s no wolf. Being a devout individualist and something of a loner, I gravitated to the aloofness of my gay animal. But in 9MONSTERS, I was just another part of the menagerie.
And that menagerie was a diverse one. At first, I tried to equate the various monsters with labels we might see in North America. I assumed that Slim Cat was twink, Cool Monkey was hipster, Sporty Panther was jock, and Chubby Pig was obviously a chub. I was confused by Bulky Bison and Wild Bear since both were bear-like—equally bulky in my opinion. Athlete Kong and Lovely Dog were more ambiguous to me, so I decided they must be cross-breeds.
Digital zoology aside, all this categorizing does have a purpose. According to Mr. Chiwata from 9MONSTERS public relations, the point of the monster classifications is to allow users to get an idea of people’s type and who they’re interested in without having to ask. Basically, if I were to happen upon a Wild Bear who breeds Muscle Wolves in the wilds of Tokyo, we’d theoretically be ready to walk down the aisle. Unfortunately, most of the bears I was sniffing out were only interested in mating with other bears, true to what their profiles indicated. My breed worked against me, so I found that I wasn’t nearly as lucky as I have been using Grindr or Scruff, where “tribe” labels aren’t so front and center.
Like other apps, 9MONSTERS is not just about breeding and gawking. If you feel like a chat, you can have it—and do whatever else you want from there—similar to Grindr. There’s also a “Howl” function that allow others to know when you’re in heat and need to meet now. And at the bottom of the grid of prospective mates, there’s another mini-grid of similar monsters, making cruising efficient if you’re into one particular type. What’s missing are some essential classifications found on other apps, such as “leather” and “daddy” (which together is a personal favorite), and they don’t have self-identification options like “poz” or “trans” either, which on other apps have seemed productive in creating visibility.
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In any case, once I learned from 9MONSTERS that being a “wolf” could be part of the queer vernacular, I myself turned to Google to learn what that might mean. One site claimed that it’s a mysterious and semi-hairy guy who enjoys a lot of sex. That’s not the worst label, but I still have trouble submitting to it. It’s true that in gay culture we assign ourselves these funny names, but with an app like Scruff, they feel much more playful and fluid, and there’s often the option to choose more than one community with which to identify. 9MONSTERS is entertaining, but at the end of the day, being assigned a single identity by strangers seems overly simplistic. Gay men may be “beasts” at times, but we’re also creatures of nuance—something tells me we’ll be hunting a while still for an app that captures that.